Learning to wait

I have learned a lot about patience and waiting in the past six months, not by choice mind you. But like many great lessons in life, these were learned because the path I had to go down was chosen for me and it was up to me to decide how to deal with it. Would I be angry and resentful? full of hope and optimism? or somewhere in between? I like to think that I fell more to the positive side more of the time. Don’t get me wrong, there were times I just wanted to quit the journey but there were no exit ramps in sight. I guess I could have lowered my expectations and just have been happy to walk again and not push to run again–that would have made things a lot easier. Or I could have let go of my dream to cross the finish line of the Ironman I signed up for in September–that would have made things a whole lot easier. But that’s just not who I am–so instead I had to learn about how to wait with patience for permission to take the next step, for my abilities to return, and for the news about progress. It’s always such a good reminder for me to look back at how long I have already waited to help me get thru the waiting at hand–today is no different. I am typing this post in the airport waiting for my delayed flight to Atlanta as I have an appointment with the surgeon’s office tomorrow. It’s my six month post op check up and imaging appointment (yay, more pics to come!) For the most part, these appointments are pretty routine, but they do carry with them some anticipation of the unknown. Something we do know about the giant cell bone tumor is that their reoccurrence rate is around 20% meaning that 1 in every 5 people will have to do it all over again or take a more aggressive approach the second time around. So we keep a close eye on things and get an MRI and X-rays every three months–just part of my new normal, like the scar and the swelling post exercise and the things that just feel a bit weird–to see if the tumor continues to honor the eviction notice. I get pretty anxious before these appointments because of the possibility of bad news but then I remind myself that it’s out of my control and the choice I have to make is how I deal with the waiting–do I choose to be patient or do I drive myself and those around me crazy with the anxiety of the situation? Here’s hoping for your sake and mine that patience wins the battle.